.......what if "this" really all there is?
I know it's not - after all.....life is what we make it eh?
I've been living in this nothingness for so long that I've become stuck in "the meantime". The door out has become veiled behind so many years of putting ideas of my bigger future on hold (just for now), that I can no longer see it. There's not even light coming through any of the windows that I know must be there.
At the time, putting myself in to a self imposed "meantime" seemed like the best thing to do. I believed (and still do) that I couldn't really be there for either of them in the way I wanted, the way I believe they deserved, if I allowed myself to become too focussed on myself. So I decided to put my "real" future on hold (just for now), and to live with a fairly "here-and-now" attitude. Instead of living big, I would live wide....arms wide open, scooping in as much life as I possibly could - and to allow tomorrow to take care of itself (when it came).
And it did come. They are both gone now. And I'm still here. Stuck.
Still living gloriously WIDE but needing more.
I want the juicy - the BIG.....the rest of my life.
I'm sooooooo ready to leave "just for now" behind and begin the next stage of this wild & wonderful "one" life that I've been given.
