Years ago you spoke to me about the Buddhist teaching of the "Glass already being broken". To learn to live fully without carrying the fear of loss around. To appreciate what I loved NOW. Really appreciate it.
You took my favourite crystal glass off the shelf and asked me what I would feel if you dropped it.
First shock (it's my all time favourite glass!).....then sadness at never being able to use it again.
Then you put it in my hands and said "it's not broken yet....but what is it that you love so much about this glass?"
As I held it and looked at it, I thought about how I much I loved how solid it felt in my hand - it was heavy and sturdy....a big chunk of honed crystal. It felt smooth under my fingers. I loved the feeling of absently rubbing my fingers or lips along it's cut edges. And I loved how the light would catch in it's cuts.....sparkling with light.
And you said "there....that feeling. remember that feeling and be thankful that you have that glass to bring that little bit of joy in to your life. and when it breaks [which it will one day....nothing lasts forever]....instead of feeling sad that the glass is broken, be thankful and happy for all the little joys it brought you."
You changed my life that day - a few meaningful words and a Zen lesson from a big brother. I've learned, and am still learning, to become more appreciative of those things that I hold dear.
When we had that conversation that day, standing in Mum & Dad's kitchen, relaxed and happy.....it never occurred to me that one day you would become my broken glass. As much as I adore you & have always felt blessed to have you in my life - I never imagined that one day I would have to try and see life without you in it.
But there you are.....doing everything humanly & spiritually possible to rid your body of the cancer that is trying to get a hold of you. And here am I....with you every step of the way....believing you WILL do it.....while imagining the glass is already broken.
Thank you. Thank you for (so many years ago) giving me the lesson that will now allow me to love & support you with a completely open heart.
